HAPPY 2018!! (AND WHERE I'VE BEEN)

Happy New Year, beautiful people! I wish for you a heart full of happiness and mind set on relentlessly chasing those dreams.

Am I the only one still completely reeling from how fast 2017 flew by? I mean, what in the entire heck?! It’s actually quite embarrassing seeing that the last post on here was back in..GULP!..February, 2017! Say what?!!!!

Well, let that serve as a lesson to me and to you that there is no time like the present. Time waits for woman so all those things that you’ve been putting on hold…stop putting them on hold and start pursuing NOW!

Which brings me to…. where have I been?

I’ve been RIGHT HERE.

After starting 2017 on high with landing an article in a national publication (which you can read here), getting my first piece published in print, being offered a travel collaboration and landing a great, new job, what was supposed to be my year of greatness turned into a year of...quiet observation and routine. To be brutally honest, I procrastinated. I kept putting off my next`post/project until tomorrow. And each tomorrow turned into a new tomorrow. And the weeks turned into months and, well...a whole year went by. 

Which brings us to NOW. 

A brand new year with the promise of new beginnings and new opportunities.   Listen, I won't make any big, bold promises about what I'm going to do. I'm just going to do it. A 'quiet' year doesn't necessarily mean a wasted one. I've certainly grown over the past year by  leaps and bounds. I'm more self-assured, more certain of what I want and so much more committed to pursuing my goals and by extension, this blog.

So, with that said, let's make 2018 a year of NO. MORE. EXCUSES. Just do it.

PS. This post is not sponsored by or affiliated with Nike. Obviously.

GOOD THINGS TAKE TIME

I can be pretty impatient. Maybe it's the millennial in me (you know, entitled and wants life to be handed to me on a silver platter). Or maybe I'm just naturally an impatient person. Maybe a bit of both. In any case, whether I'm waiting in line at the grocery store or waiting to hear back from an editor on a pitch, the wait is always too long. I mean, is it really too much to ask to have everything...like, now. Sheesh! And, of course, my impatience is only compounded by the steady stream of 'pings' and 'buzzes' that feed and fuel my need for instant gratification daily.

Towards the end of last year I started reflecting. You know, thinking about the year that was and what I wanted for the year and years to come. And I realized two things: 1) that I was so plugged in that I wasn't really living in real time anymore; 2) that I was always preoccupied with what was to come next -  kinda like living in a constant mental fast forward. It was draining and unhealthy. I was rarely ever just present in the moment. I couldn't continue like that. I didn't want to. 

I think in today’s world where we’ve become so used to everything happening like that *snaps fingers*, the idea of having to wait is almost foreign. We're so used to instant responses, instant likes, instant purchases; we’re constantly trying to get results quicker, get somewhere faster. It’s ironic that in a world where everything is ‘Now’, we aren’t really enjoying what ‘Now’ really means. We are always eager to get to the next part or move on to the next thing.

At the start of the year I decided that one major change I wanted to make was to allow things to take the time they need to happen. To stop rushing things to fruition, but instead, to deliberately and meticulously sow the right seeds, and allow them to bloom when the time was right - this part was especially important. Often times I would find myself in my head living a moment that hasn't yet happened. And when it would happen, I'd be underwhelmed because, well, I'd already lived it in my head. I know, I've got serious issues.

I think we're all wired to constantly look forward.  I've been hearing about my future before I even understood what it meant. Get good grades to I can go to a good school so I can get a good job so I can make enough money to buy a big enough house blah, blah. blah. Of course, planning for the future is important but when  you're too busy living for the future, the beauty of what's happening now will fly right past you and you won't even know it. 

Now that I have a family and I'm getting closer to twenty-ten, it's so important to me that I enjoy every single, precious moment. That I take the time to stop and smell the roses, literally. That I allow life to happen without hurrying it along.  And, I’ll be honest, it hasn’t been easy trying to wean myself off the rush of instant gratification but right now I’ve got an e-mail that came in seven minutes ago in stewing in my inbox. Unopened. For me, that’s a record! My point is life isn’t always about looking forward to something new and exciting. If we’re always eager to get to the ‘new and exciting’ we’ll never enjoy what is. Life isn’t a movie. You can’t just skip to the good parts.

I truly believe that everything happens when it’s supposed to happen. And not a minute before then. So sow your seeds and let them be. Like a flower in bloom, good things take time.

RESOLUTIONS

Happy New Year! I wish you a year filled with Love, Light and so much happiness.

What  a doozy of a year 2016 was! Highs, lows and just about everything in between.  I'm probably in the majority when I say I was ready to see 2016 go. Having said that, there were some great life lessons learnt in 2016 and now that I'm able to reflect on the year that was, I have so much to be grateful for. I had some amazing experiences (visiting Thailand for the first time), took some big risks (quitting my job), make strides in establishing myself as a writer (being invited for a press trip to Haiti), put plans in motion for my blog (writing/creating more consistently and building my audience) and most important of all, enjoyed another fantastic year with my amazing family (Gabriel turned 4 this year and we celebrated with an awesome family trip to NYC and Julien and I celebrated our 6th year together). 

2016 was also a year of quite a bit of self-discovery for me. Perhaps the most to date. I learned that I am capable of more than I give myself credit for. This isn’t really a new discovery but I learned that I need to be kinder to myself. A lot kinder. I learned that any goal I can conceive is within my capacity to achieve. I learned that fear is just a mirage to keep me ‘comfortable’.

Now that the chapter of 2016 has come to close, I am ready to welcome the new energy and all the possibilities that 2017 will hold. I am ready to work harder, to love deeper, to laugh louder, to dance crazier, to say what I mean and mean what I say, to take chances, and to live each and every day with purpose. Most of all, I am ready to grow. To shed the stale and  superfluous and to, not just grow, but flourish. 

So what resolutions have I made? I made one. My Master Resolution, if you will. It is this: I resolve to be the VERY BEST ME THAT I CAN BE. That means taking better care of myself - Mind, Body and Spirit. It means nurturing and deepening my sense of self. It means keeping my head down and not getting distracted by what anyone else is doing. It means planting seeds and being patient because good things take time. It means setting goals and crushing them. It means not sweating the small stuff but staying focused on what’s important. It means not dwelling on perceived failures but recognizing that every misstep is a lesson. It means celebrating small victories. Because every step in the journey counts.

I am so grateful for all the lessons that 2016 brought me and I am ready to embrace 2017 with a completely open heart. There's something great coming. I can just feel it. Can you?

HOPE(LESS)

Last week was difficult.

So difficult, in fact, that I broke down in tears twice, feeling utterly and completely helpless and hopeless at everything that has been happening in the world. Yes, Aleppo was huge part of the reason why I was emotionally out of sorts last week, but it's not just Aleppo. It feels like the entire world is in turmoil and all I can do is sit by and watch everything go up in flames. 

It's all the things that happen everyday, sometimes in our own backyards. The things that make the evening news and, for a fleeting instance, elicits shock and sympathy but we've moved on by the first commercial break. The things that we scroll past in our Facebook feeds in order to get to the news about who broke up with whom. I feel like, on some level, we're all silent accomplices, comatose in our self-serving tendencies and drunk in our disregard to everything outside of our safe, happy little bubbles.

When it all came to a head last week, I really questioned how much I was participating in moving humanity forward. Or, conversely, how much I was partaking in turning a blind eye. In being numb...indifferent. Ultimately, the question I pondered at length, the question I still ponder is: What's the point of...anything? What's the point of writing these words? What's the point of this blog? Of posting carefully orchestrated outfit photos on Instagram? Why should anyone care about what I, or anyone else, wore when people are dying? Sometimes I feel like I have no right to be happy, to even dare to be happy when the world is being torn apart by conflict. By greed. By disregard for life. 

And then I thought about the Greek myth of Pandora's Box. The story goes that Zeus created Pandora as a gift for Epimetheus. He told Epimetheus to take Pandora as his wife. Zeus gave Pandora a box to give to Epimetheus and told her she should never open it. Of course the secret of the box piqued Pandora's curiosity and after Epimetheus' adamant refusal to allow her to open the box, she took it up on herself one night when he was asleep to satisfy her curiosity. She opened the box and out flew all manner of evil and ills that had never before existed - sickness, greed, crime, worry, death. She slammed the box shut but it was much too late. Wickedness had been unleashed upon the world. The box was empty, save for one thing that remained: HOPE.

The moral of the story, in a nutshell, is that no matter how much it seems like all is lost and there is nothing worth saving, we can't lose hope. We have to choose to see the good, even when sometimes it seems like candle under a bushel. We have to see the light and be the light. We must keep the embers of hope burning.

So my conclusion is this: Yes, the world is a place of unthinkable evil. A place of wretched heartlessness. Of maniacal and senseless conflict and bloodshed. But there’s also still beauty and good and altruism. There is still a reason to wake up happy and hopeful. It’s OK to pursue happiness and prosperity. The world NEEDS more happy people. And while these words, or this blog or posting a picture on Instagram won’t save the world, I have the ability to put something out into the world. And I can only aspire to put forth love and light through my writing and images.

So in these seemingly dark days when the weight of the world hangs so heavily about us, we must cling to hope. Hope that we’re somehow making a difference. Hope that good will always prevail.

Love,

A.

TRUST YOURSELF

I almost drowned in Haiti.

Ok, maybe that was bit of an exaggeration. Here's a more accurate recount of what happened:

I took off swimming towards the shore of an incredibly deep natural pool and upon realizing that I had been swimming in the wrong direction and that I hadn't progressed nearly as much as I had estimated, I panicked. (Which is very Alicia-like, but that's another blog post). And, of course, by 'panicked' I mean I shrieked dramatically attracting the attention of at least 100 or so onlookers and bathers, including my boyfriend who was about strip down to his skivvies to rescue me. Swooon.

Ok, so where was I going with this? Yes, I almost drowned. Honest! Ok, let's start at the beginning.

I've never been the most self-assured person. Not naturally, anyway. Despite how calm, cool and collected I might appear (or maybe no one thinks I'm calm, cool and collected), there is a ALWAYS a constant stream of inner dialogue that sounds something like this:

Me: You should really start a blog. You love to write and people seem to enjoy your writing.

Me: That's completely pointless. There are already a gazillion blogs out there, there's no need for yet another one. And of course your friends will tell you your writing is good.

Me: But I really think I have a knack for engaging people through writing.

Me:  I don't know if your writing is that good. What if no one reads it?

And that constant mental back and forth  applies to pretty much all aspects of my life. I am CONSTANTLY questioning myself. Constantly worrying if I can. Constantly over-analyzing and scrutinizing my capacity to get from Point A to Point B. And let me tell you, it is pretty darn exhausting. Not only is it exhausting, it has been a real hindrance in doing all the things I really want to do because...well, I'm always busy worrying, "What if I can't?"

So on that particular day in Haiti, I was hesitant about making the swim. Quite honestly, I didn't think I could. Not that it was a long swim or anything, I just didn't think I could make it. And I'd never swam in water that deep before (I can't tread). And for about 10 minutes my thoughts alternated in rapid succession between "You can do this! Just jump!!" and "Jump and you'll drown".  

And then I jumped. Off I went like Michael Phelps in an Olympic final. I started off with a strong breaststroke but I quickly turned over as my specialty is really the backstroke.  Of course, I use the word 'specialty' verrrry loosely - think 'hoola-hoop-for-a-belt' loose. Things were going great, I was enjoying the water and the sun on my face. All I had to do was keep swimming and I'd be fine.

And when I thought I had neared the shore and realized I veered off course  AND that my feet couldn't touch the ground...it was sheer panic and terror. I mean, it took only about a minute for me to get a grip of myself but in that minute I feel like I ran the gamut of mental processes.

But I vividly remember quieting my thoughts and telling myself, "Calm down. Trust yourself, you got this".

Now in retrospect, I know that I probably wouldn't have drowned as there was so many people around and I made enough of a commotion to send a sloth into action -  several people quickly swam to my aid before Julien could jump in. But in those seconds where I felt like I needed to save myself, I realized that.. I could. So while I'm happy to recount anecdotally about 'that time I almost drowned', I do feel like I really became aware of the value of trusting myself. The value of not getting in my own way and the value of giving myself credit. Accepting that it's ok to be afraid and unsure but ultimately, no one will ever know me better than I know me so I ought to be able to rely on myself. Not only, but first.

This isn't about throwing caution to the wind and letting the chips fall where they may. This is about fostering and nurturing a relationship with oneself that will breed that  self-assuredness so that when the decision to jump presents itself, you'll do what feels right. And you'll trust that you'll be alright. 

So to all my fellow self-doubters and self-critics, give yourself some credit. Just keep swimming. And when it feels like you're treading deep water, or in my case, floundering, trust that you will trust yourself enough to say, "Stay calm. You got this".

Love,

A.